Chase the flip flop!

A lesson in vulnerability and going after what you want

At the start of this year, I went on a solo holiday. I’ve written a whole post about solo holidays and why I love them so much, it’s linked it below if you’re interested. One evening, after dinner, I went for a walk along the beach. The beachfront was busy with restaurants of people enjoying dinner whilst soaking up the sunset. The waves were big and breaking hard onto the sand. As I was walking, a powerful wave crashed onto the sand, rushed up the beach and swept a flip-flop right off my foot. My instant reaction was, “oh well, that’s gone forever now”, and I just carried on walking. I didn’t even watch to see where it went or if the waves would wash it back in or attempt to run after it. Then this girl came running after me shouting, “YOUR FLIP FLOP!!!!” and handed me my flip-flop.

Maybe it’s because I was alone and had a lot of time on my hands, but I couldn’t stop thinking about this moment. Why didn’t I chase after the flipflop? Why did I give up so easily? Why was that girl ok with running after my flipflop, but I wasn’t? I realised a lot of it came down to the fact I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed by the prospect of trying and failing to catch my flip-flop in front of a restaurant full of people. I was embarrassed to outwardly show that I wanted something that I might not get.

Although this was a small, insignificant thing, I started to think about how this attitude was permeating other areas of my life. Where else was I pretending I didn’t care about something that I did care about, just so I didn’t look uncool in front of other people? I could instantly think of so many more examples. All the times I didn’t run for the bus/train in case I didn’t catch it, the times I applied for a job and pretended I didn’t care if I got it or not, pretended I didn’t like someone in case they didn’t like me back, didn’t share my art in case people laughed at it, didn’t go for the promotion in case I didn’t get it.

It struck me as a particularly shitty way to live life. So why was I doing it? I realised it was a protective thing. It felt scary to me to outwardly show that I wanted something that I might not get. So, in an attempt to protect myself, I took one of two approaches: I either went for it and pretended to myself and others that actually, I didn’t care about it. Or I didn’t go for it at all, in order to avoid any potential rejection or failure that might follow.

But neither of these approaches were actually protecting me. Going for it, but pretending I didn’t care wouldn’t make it hurt less if it didn’t work out, because deep down, I did care! So it would still hurt, but I would likely have less support from friends/family in the process since I’d tricked them into thinking it was no big deal. Not going for the thing at all might hurt in a less confronting, in-your-face rejection way, since there was no way for me to fail at the thing. But it was still going to hurt in a deeper way that would just leave me feeling unfulfilled and asking “what if”.

In Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, she defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”. She goes on to say that “to put our art, writing or photography, our ideas out into the world with no assurance of acceptance or appreciation- that’s vulnerability”. She also says, “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity.“ These words resonated hard with me. It was vulnerability I was scared of.

Since this realisation, I’ve been actively practising vulnerability. I’m trying to be honest with myself about what I care about and to go for those things, even if there is no assurance they’ll work out. My leap into freelance feels like a great example of this change in attitude. It feels vulnerable admitting to people that it’s something I really want to do, that it’s something I’m going to try, knowing that it might not work out. It feels scary, but it feels good. Much better than pretending I’m too cool to care.

So this is your sign to practise more vulnerability, to be honest with yourself and the world about what you want. To go for the job or promotion even if you might not get it. To tell that person you like them even if they might not like you back. To share your art, writing, music with the world. TO CHASE THE GODDAM FLIP FLOP! 🌊🩴