The belittling power of the word little
Stop describing things you or others do as 'little'
I’m at a networking event, something that has become tragically quite normal for me in my new venture as a freelancer. Someone turns to me, ‘oh yeah I know you, I’ve read that little blog of yours’. Immediately I feel like a little girl clomping around the networking event in her mum’s high heels, playing dress up as an important and successful adult. I think about correcting him, ‘You mean the newsletter that I work really hard on, the one that I very much enjoy making and that over 800 people enjoy reading?’ Instead, I smile, ‘Oh that’s so cool you read it’.
Another week, another networking event, the same scenario plays out. ‘Yeah I know you, I came to that little talk that you did’. That little word shrinks me down in size, all of a sudden I’m a Polly Pocket standing next to this towering and impressive man. Again I think about correcting him, ‘Oh, you mean that talk that I was really passionate about, that I spent months preparing for, that I was so proud of doing?’. Instead, I reply ‘That’s nice, did you enjoy the event?‘.
I’ve lost count of the times things I’ve done that feel important and exciting to me have been described as little. That little idea that you had, that little presentation that you gave, that little promotion you got, that little post of yours. It’s a little word but it’s powerful in its ability to instantly make me feel so little.
I would love to pretend that it’s just smarmy people at networking events who belittle me by describing the things I do as little, but the worst thing is I do it to myself too. Just moments ago when my partner asked me what I was doing, I said ‘Oh just writing a little newsletter about the word little’ I wish I could say it was ironic, but little is so part of my lexicon that it just slipped out.
I’ve been contemplating whether it’s a gendered thing, I can’t imagine someone turning to a man and saying ‘I read that little blog you write’. I’m sure it does happen, but I reckon for every 1 little directed at a man, there are 100 littles directed at women. Or perhaps it’s more of a status thing. Maybe people who consider themselves of higher status feel entitled to describe the things perceived ‘lower status’ people do as little.
I’m not sure what it’s rooted in but I do know how the things you do being described as little feels. If you catch yourself describing something you or someone else has done as ‘little’ stop, and either skip over the word entirely or replace it with one of these words instead
important
exciting
amazing
big
massive
impressive
interesting
inspiring
I read that little amazing blog that you write
I went to that little interesting talk that you did
I heard about that little exciting idea that you had
I saw that little important post of yours
I heard about that little impressive promotion you got
Making this little change can have a massive impact.
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I was feeling angry reading this and I do think you are right about it being a gendered word to some extent.
What I do wonder is if those people were actually feeling intimidated by knowing that you write a successful newsletter and put yourself out there to do a talk to lots of people? Perhaps there's something in their subconscious which made them add the word 'little' to make themselves feel better? Either way, it's not acceptable and perhaps next time someone says it, you should correct them!
You've written so eloquently and I will be thinking about how I use the word carefully. Thank you for a great read first thing on a Friday morning!
I do absolutely think this is gendered and it's something that always grinds my gears. I've never seen a man describe his business as little but I see women do that all the time. I've done it too. It's part of a desire to fit in, to not stand out and to constantly apologise for existing - that we are societally conditioned to do. Thank you for saying this.