I was feeling angry reading this and I do think you are right about it being a gendered word to some extent.
What I do wonder is if those people were actually feeling intimidated by knowing that you write a successful newsletter and put yourself out there to do a talk to lots of people? Perhaps there's something in their subconscious which made them add the word 'little' to make themselves feel better? Either way, it's not acceptable and perhaps next time someone says it, you should correct them!
You've written so eloquently and I will be thinking about how I use the word carefully. Thank you for a great read first thing on a Friday morning!
That’s such an interesting point about people being intimidated! I’d never thought of it like that. I find confrontation so uncomfortable which makes the idea of correcting someone tricky, but I reckon I could try it in a light hearted way at first… Thanks Hannah for your thoughtful comment as ever 😊
I do absolutely think this is gendered and it's something that always grinds my gears. I've never seen a man describe his business as little but I see women do that all the time. I've done it too. It's part of a desire to fit in, to not stand out and to constantly apologise for existing - that we are societally conditioned to do. Thank you for saying this.
Great article! This is something I feel very aware of but have never put into words clearly, even in my own mind. As soon as I read it, I knew it was true. For such a common word, little is incredibly demeaning. And I've heard people use the word thing in almost the same way: "Of course you did that thing last year, didn't you." Meaning that I can't be arsed to recall what you actually did in any detail but I'll vaguely acknowledge you accomplished something.
I think you're right - it's only about power, or at least trying to exercise power. Men say it to women a lot, and men say it to other men when they're playing with status, which in some places I've worked is all the time. It's never okay, it's always offensive. And like Ana says above, you can end up telling yourself that you only do small things, as a kind of defensive strategy. I'm going to be super-alert to this now.
Thanks Julian for sharing your thoughts. It’s so true you can work in cultures where that power play is rife. Being aware of it is always the first step! 🙌
I was reading and nodding, and saying to myself "oops....I do this... to myself'. Except I use "small" instead of "little".
I think one other possible reason to phrasing things we do - or want to do - like this has also to do with setting our expectations low, to ourselves or others, out of fear of failing. If what we're doing is small, it's not a big deal if it fails. The failure is itself small or not even a failure, since we didn't give it that much importance either way. Fidn't take it that seriously. Or at least we didn't convey it to others as such, so we can just smile, and curl up on the sofa with a bunch of chocolate when we're alone. And when I say "we", I mean "me". 😂
Yesss I relate so much to this idea of downplaying things so they hurt less if they don’t succeed! Thanks for adding that to the conversation Ana. Another one for me to look out for in myself and others 😊❤️
I was feeling angry reading this and I do think you are right about it being a gendered word to some extent.
What I do wonder is if those people were actually feeling intimidated by knowing that you write a successful newsletter and put yourself out there to do a talk to lots of people? Perhaps there's something in their subconscious which made them add the word 'little' to make themselves feel better? Either way, it's not acceptable and perhaps next time someone says it, you should correct them!
You've written so eloquently and I will be thinking about how I use the word carefully. Thank you for a great read first thing on a Friday morning!
That’s such an interesting point about people being intimidated! I’d never thought of it like that. I find confrontation so uncomfortable which makes the idea of correcting someone tricky, but I reckon I could try it in a light hearted way at first… Thanks Hannah for your thoughtful comment as ever 😊
I do absolutely think this is gendered and it's something that always grinds my gears. I've never seen a man describe his business as little but I see women do that all the time. I've done it too. It's part of a desire to fit in, to not stand out and to constantly apologise for existing - that we are societally conditioned to do. Thank you for saying this.
Yeah it’s so true I’ve heard many women describe their businesses as little too! I hear the word everywhere now. Thanks for the support Louise 😊
Argh! Belittling is a classic power technique wether used consciously or not! It makes me as angry as Hannah A!
Great article! This is something I feel very aware of but have never put into words clearly, even in my own mind. As soon as I read it, I knew it was true. For such a common word, little is incredibly demeaning. And I've heard people use the word thing in almost the same way: "Of course you did that thing last year, didn't you." Meaning that I can't be arsed to recall what you actually did in any detail but I'll vaguely acknowledge you accomplished something.
I think you're right - it's only about power, or at least trying to exercise power. Men say it to women a lot, and men say it to other men when they're playing with status, which in some places I've worked is all the time. It's never okay, it's always offensive. And like Ana says above, you can end up telling yourself that you only do small things, as a kind of defensive strategy. I'm going to be super-alert to this now.
Thanks Julian for sharing your thoughts. It’s so true you can work in cultures where that power play is rife. Being aware of it is always the first step! 🙌
I was reading and nodding, and saying to myself "oops....I do this... to myself'. Except I use "small" instead of "little".
I think one other possible reason to phrasing things we do - or want to do - like this has also to do with setting our expectations low, to ourselves or others, out of fear of failing. If what we're doing is small, it's not a big deal if it fails. The failure is itself small or not even a failure, since we didn't give it that much importance either way. Fidn't take it that seriously. Or at least we didn't convey it to others as such, so we can just smile, and curl up on the sofa with a bunch of chocolate when we're alone. And when I say "we", I mean "me". 😂
Yesss I relate so much to this idea of downplaying things so they hurt less if they don’t succeed! Thanks for adding that to the conversation Ana. Another one for me to look out for in myself and others 😊❤️